101: Brian Hilliard on Unlearning Your Way to Success

I recorded this conversation back in late 2021, right around the time I was still figuring out what this show was really supposed to be. Brian Hilliard showed up and immediately started talking about unlearning as a success strategy, and I remember thinking — yes, that.

That’s the thing nobody talks about. We spend so much time chasing new tactics and new tools, and meanwhile the stuff holding us back is the old programming we haven’t cleared out yet.

Originally aired: November 9, 2021
This post has been updated and republished as part of rebuilding the Gratitude Geek podcast archive.

Most business advice tells you to add something — a new strategy, a new platform, a new routine. Brian flips that script. In this conversation, we dig into why success is less about learning something new and more about unlearning something old that’s stopped working.

For women solopreneurs who’ve been through a major disruption and are trying to rebuild, this is the episode to start with. The blocks aren’t usually a skill gap. They’re the old swing you keep reverting to when things get hard.

Key Takeaways

• Success is not a straight line — it’s “wibbly wobbly,” and the sooner you stop expecting a clean trajectory, the easier it gets.
• Getting out of your own way means taking your foot off the brake, not pushing harder on the gas. Most of us are doing both at the same time.
• The three inner adversaries — the Inner Critic, the Monkey Mind, and the Trickster — all want the same thing: for you to stop. Naming them is the first step to quieting them.
• Ease, smooth, and flow is a framework, not a destination. When you reduce friction, good things start coming in without you having to force them.
• Celebrate the wins. Not eventually. Right now. Brian literally does the Hulk Hogan thing when he signs a new client, and there’s a reason for that.

Straight Line Success Is a Myth

Brian talks about starting his coaching business in 2001 when “coach” wasn’t even really a category yet. His first two clients paid $45 a month. The deal is definitely off the table now, but the point is that he kept going through the ups and downs because he understood that success doesn’t move in one direction.

Unlearning vs. Learning

This is the conversation I wish someone had with me years ago. Brian makes the case that what holds most people back isn’t that they don’t know enough — it’s that they’re still running old programs in the background. Like a golfer who’s developed a new swing but still reverts to the old one under pressure. The work is in catching yourself reverting, not in adding another technique on top.

Getting Out of Your Own Way

Brian breaks down what “getting out of your own way” actually means, because one of my coaching clients asked me once and I realized I didn’t have a great answer. He talks about commission and omission — the things you do and the things you don’t do that either move you forward or hold you back. Unsuccessful people aren’t just failing to do the right things; they’re actively doing things that keep them stuck.

Ease, Smooth, and Flow

This is Brian’s framework for the law of attraction, and it’s the most practical version of that concept I’ve heard. You start by making things easier on yourself. That creates a smoother experience where the negative stuff starts to drop away. And then — when you’re actually in flow — good things start coming toward you instead of you having to chase them.

The Three Inner Adversaries

Brian references the book Inner Excellence by Jim Murphy and walks through the Inner Critic (the voice that ties a bad outcome to your personal worth), the Monkey Mind (paralysis by analysis), and the Trickster (the voice that says it didn’t work today and it won’t work next week either). All three have the same goal: get you to stop.

Success on Your Own Terms

We spent some time talking about what success actually means. Brian made the point that he feels completely successful, even if some people looking in wouldn’t see it that way. He has what he wants. That’s his definition. And that reframe — away from external scorecards and toward personal alignment — is something every solopreneur rebuilding after hard things needs to hear.

Meet Brian Hilliard

Brian Hilliard is a speaker, coach, and bestselling author who has been running his own business since 2001. He’s written seven books, including Networking Like a Pro (co-authored with Dr. Ivan Misner) and How to Overachieve Without Over-Committing, and has spoken to hundreds of audiences on marketing, leadership, and everyday success habits. He graduated from Duke University and spent years in corporate America before going all in on entrepreneurship — and he has never looked back.

“Success is less about learning something new that works and more about unlearning something old that doesn’t.” — Brian Hilliard

Connect with Brian

• Website: BrianHilliard.com
• Book: How to Overachieve w/o Overcommitting

Resources Mentioned

• Networking Like a Pro by Brian Hilliard and Dr. Ivan Misner — I mentioned I was re-reading this during our conversation. Small chapters, easy to use as a reference whenever you need it.
• Inner Excellence by Jim Murphy — the source of the Inner Critic, Monkey Mind, and Trickster framework Brian references.
• Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine — Brian mentions the concept of internal saboteurs and how becoming aware of them is what lets you start moving past them.
• Abraham Hicks — the ease and flow framework Brian uses draws from this work on the law of attraction.

Disclaimer: Some links may be affiliate links, meaning I may earn a small commission if you choose to purchase. No added cost to you.

Your Turn

Which of the three inner adversaries gives you the most trouble — the Inner Critic, the Monkey Mind, or the Trickster? Drop a comment below or come find me on Threads or LinkedIn. I genuinely want to know.

Related Episodes You Might Love

• 131: Judy Kane on Changing Limiting Beliefs — Judy’s work on releasing subconscious beliefs pairs perfectly with Brian’s conversation about unlearning; if you want the how-to for clearing the old programming, start here.
• 262: Dr. Noah St. John on Afformations — Dr. St. John coined the term “success anorexia” for the pattern of unconsciously blocking your own progress, which connects directly to what Brian talks about with the Inner Critic and Trickster.
• 141: Dr. Ivan Misner on Networking — Brian co-wrote Networking Like a Pro with Dr. Misner, the founder of BNI and the father of modern networking. If this episode got you thinking about your relationships as a business strategy, this one is the natural next step.

Stay Groovy!

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