When I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, society expected me to focus on treatment. Rest. Take care of myself. Not start anything new.
But women had been asking for my business advice for over a decade. I’d been giving it away for free, always thinking “someday I’ll make this official.”
Stage IV cancer gave me a different kind of deadline. The urgency wasn’t about building a business. It was about time.
What if I don’t have enough time left to help as many women as I can?
So I launched my coaching business anyway.
I wasn’t going to let cancer write the ending of my story. I was going to write a completely different narrative.
And over the past few years of hosting the Gratitude Geek Podcast, I’ve chatted with hundreds of guests who’ve done the same thing.
They’ve taken the hard stuff, the stuff that should have broken them, and rewrote the story entirely.
Five of those conversations reinforced, or even changed, how I think about resilience, reinvention, and what’s possible when life falls apart.
Here’s what they taught me.
The Experts
Before we dive in, let me introduce you to the five people who helped me understand this process:
Robert B. Foster (Episode 284) is a speaker, coach, and author who believes your story is the most powerful tool you have for connection, confidence, and growth.
Fletcher Ellingson (Episode 275) is the author of The Practice of Feeling Good who teaches emotional resilience and helps people rewrite the fear stories running their lives.
Dr. Noah St. John (Episode 262) is known worldwide as the father of Afformations and creator of the 12-week Breakthrough. He helps people remove the “head trash” that holds them back from success.
Lydia Knight (Episode 288) is the CEO of the She Center and author of Split. She helps women harness their brain algorithms to lead with clarity, courage, and influence.
Dawn Ledet (Episode 282) is a self-trust coach who helps women lead themselves better by building a strategic, trust-fueled cycle of success.
1. Recognize That Fear and Failure Are Just Stories
When something hard happens, the fear takes over immediately. Fear of what comes next. Fear that you won’t make it. And fear that you’re not enough to handle what’s in front of you.
Lydia Knight taught me that transformation starts by changing the algorithm of your brain. What you believe creates a “worn path” or groove in your brain. The more you think it, the deeper the groove gets.
Fletcher Ellingson strips it down even further. He says the root of fear is “simply a story and nothing more.” Those stories usually fall into three categories. Fear of loss. Fear of failure. And fear of not being good enough.
Here’s what that means for women rebuilding after trauma. The story you’re telling yourself right now about what’s possible is just that. A story. It’s not truth. It’s not fate. It is a constructed narrative.
And just like the old, limiting belief was constructed, a new, empowering belief can be built using free will and choice.
If you’re going to rewrite your life, you have to start by acknowledging that your current fears about the future are not facts. They’re rough drafts you can edit.
2. Shift the Narrative from “What Happened” to “How You Got Through It”
Robert B. Foster taught me that the strength of your story is never the “what happened.” It’s the “how you defied the odds and recovered.”
Nobody wants to hear the victim version. They want to see you as the victor. When you share painful experiences, you have to intentionally shift from “woe is me” to framing yourself as someone who made it through.
Robert calls this “plucking out the teachable moments” from the experience to make the story relevant to what your audience needs.
This hit me hard because I realized I had a choice about how I told my own cancer story.
I could make it about the diagnosis, the treatment, the fear. Or I could make it about the business I launched, the women I helped, the decision to not let cancer have the last word.
The rewrite isn’t about pretending the hard stuff didn’t happen. It’s about choosing which part of the story gets the spotlight.
3. Use Empowering Questions to Reprogram the Subconscious
Dr. Noah St. John gave me a tool I use almost daily now. He’s the father of Afformations, which are empowering questions that reprogram your brain faster than affirmations ever could.
Here’s why this works. Your brain responds automatically to questions. When you ask a question, your mind goes searching for the answer.
So instead of forcing a positive statement your brain doesn’t believe (which scientific studies show frustrates 75% of people), you ask a question that assumes the positive is already true.
Instead of “I am wealthy,” you ask “Why do I have so much money right now?”
Instead of “I am happy,” you ask “Why am I so happy right now?”
Your brain immediately starts looking for evidence. And once it finds evidence, the belief starts to shift.
For women rewriting their story after something hard, this is a game changer. You’re not trying to convince yourself of something that feels impossible.
You’re just asking a better question and letting your brain do the work.
4. Build Self-Trust by Data Mining Lessons and Collecting Past Wins
Dawn Ledet taught me that true self-trust is built through a cycle. Make a decision. Follow through. Have your own back. Repeat.
But here’s the part most people miss. Having your own back means evaluating for data, not drama. When something fails, when a project doesn’t work, when a relationship ends, you mine the experience for lessons instead of drowning in “all or nothing thinking.”
The lesson learned is the celebration. And celebrating both the wins and the lessons builds internal momentum and resilience.
Dawn recommends creating an “I’m so impressed” list. Every moment you’ve overcome something. Every time you’ve achieved something. Each accomplishment, no matter how small.
This list becomes proof that you have the internal resources to face the next challenge.
Fletcher Ellingson mirrors this. He says to ask yourself, “Did I overcome it? Did I come out okay on the other side?” If the answer is yes, you have the proof you need to do the next hard thing.
Despite my metastatic diagnosis I can do hard things. Every infusion I showed up for. Every client call I didn’t cancel. And every podcast episode I recorded when I was exhausted. It’s all evidence that I could keep going.
You can do hard things, too.
5. Embrace Curiosity and Detach from Internal Judgment
When life unravels, the first thing we do is judge ourselves. We judge the choices we made. We judge our response. And we judge whether we’re handling it “right.”
Lydia Knight teaches us that it’s difficult to hold curiosity and judgment at the same time. When you shift to curiosity, everything changes. Communication changes. People stay around you.
And most importantly, you start seeking truth for yourself instead of accepting the stories handed to you.
Dawn Ledet reinforces this by teaching you to relate to your inner dialogue differently. That critical voice in your head is just “words passing like a ticker tape through your brain.”
You’re the one assigning the tone.
By learning to hear it neutrally, you remove the sting and replace it with a conscious, curious perspective.
Fletcher Ellingson shares a mantra I come back to constantly. “I’m resourceful, capable, and flexible.” That’s the courageous, curious story you intentionally rewrite to replace the fear narrative.
The Story You’re Writing Right Now
Here’s what I know after 300+ podcast episodes and working with dozens of women solopreneurs rebuilding after hard things.
You get to rewrite your story. You don’t have to stay in the victim narrative society hands you. And you certainly don’t have to let the diagnosis, the divorce, the loss, or the failure be the ending.
It can be the beginning of something else entirely.
If you’re in the middle of rewriting your story after cancer, divorce, loss, or any other hard thing life threw at you, I see you.
And I’d love to hear which of these resonated most. Let’s start a conversation in the comments.
Want to hear the full conversations?
- Episode 284: Robert B. Foster on Turning Your Story Into Your Superpower
- Episode 275: Fletcher Ellingson on Rewiring Fear Stories
- Episode 262: Dr. Noah St. John on Afformations and Success
- Episode 288: Lydia Knight on Shifting from Judgment to Curiosity
- Episode 282: Dawn Ledet on Building Unshakeable Self-Trust
Stay Groovy!
Note: Some of the links here are affiliate links, which means I may earn a commission, at no additional cost to you, if you choose to purchase.
Leave a Reply